Horror Hussies

Is it March? Yes. after all, you can celebrate black horror anytime of the year. The girls review Wes Craven’s The People Under The Stairs. Based on an actual crime in LA, this film reveals the horrors in a landlord’s home while touching on the struggles in the black community resulting from gentrification. Kypria talks about Ludacris & outrageous venue alcohol prices. Dana talks weird garden compost rules & is terrified of Goo Goo Dolls frontman’s face John Rzeznik. Questions raised: Dear Hollywood, why is horror not Oscar worthy for nomination? Did you own music in the 90s with that famous black & white parental advisory sticker? Do you know what a viper in your bosom is?

The Hussies review this fun Irish comedy horror Stitches by Conor McMahon in which a clown killed at a birthday party comes back from the dead to seek revenge. A short history of the fear of clowns in movies & real life is shared. Kypria tries her best Irish accent but its giving Lucky Charms cereal. Dana talks about her a$$hole cat Lola. The girls talk Holy Land dream destinations. Questions raised:

 What does it feel like to have a di@k?

Were you a bully or bullied in high school?

Can you do a split?

Enough Star Wars, can we get a Planet of the Apes spin-off? 

P.S. The girls promised a short and sweet episode but in the end the ADHD always wins. Also, remember ladies you feel better when you smile, unless a man is telling you to do it.

.

The girls are fashionably late with their review to close out Black History Month with Death Spa! With a questionable release date, this unassuming film in Black Horror History features a fresh-faced Karyn Parsons before her Fresh Prince of Bel-Air fame. In this movie a party is going to happen no matter what, not even murder will stop it. Kypria is joined by her sister Karmen Santiago who shares her first horror movie experience. Speaking on equipment crazes: Dana goes on a Tony Little spiral and did you own the Suzanne Somers ThighMaster? 

This Zach Cregger film starring Georgina Campbell has the ladies questioning themselves when it comes to the do’s and don'ts of a woman's safety. Dana would throw all caution aside when it comes to Bill Skarsgard’s bedroom eyes and calls Kypria’s disbelief in the supernatural woowoo. questions raised:

do you lie about your weight on your license?

do you bring books on your travels only to not read them?

and to the mass murders, where are bodies buried?

PSA: never be to lazy to toast your pop tart, you won’t regret it.

Have you been naughty or nice this year? Closing out this Holiday Season with the movie John Waters called the best Christmas movie of all time; Lewis Jackson's 1980 film Christmas Evil.  Kypria shares what it was like growing up as Jehovah Witness without holidays. Dana again shares her hate for magic with the exception of her crush David Copperfield.  Questions pondered: Ever got loose at an office Xmas party? Is New Jersey or Alabama the armpit of America? Is Dana more black than Kypria with her grape Kool-Aid childhood? 

.

This week is Dana’s pick: Hereditary (2018). We all know she loves a good creepy possession film.  Kyp still needs a sippy cup for her wine. The girls share their own familial grief experiences & how they dealt. Aunt Lydia is a bad person in this movie, too. This episode we experience chocoholics around dead people & things. A king named Paimon. Unnecessary naked smiling people. After a Costco sized bottle of wine Dana starts to pass out again. What happens in the alphabet after Gen Z?

SPOILER ALERT: the end of film is discussed

This week's review is a sci-fi comedy/horror by Frank Henenlotter: Frankenhooker. A jersey boy tries to bring back his dearly departed with collected parts from street hookers.  Bill Murray in 1990 raves "If you only see one movie this year it should be Frankenhooker!" One lesson learned from this film is that crack is whack.

Dana and Kyp give a quick take on the Johnny Depp case. They share their dive bar day's aesthetic, Spanish dad verbal abuse, and compare how the standard for fat for woman has changed over the years. Dana talks about the smell diet while Kyp shares 20+ nicknames for crack cocaine. Question's raised:

Do white people put raisins in their potato salad?
Would you like a review of The Human Centipede? 

It’s Easter Sunday! 2006’s Easter Bunny Kill! Kill! inspired by 1965’s Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! certainly does not hold up to today’s standard of PC language making Kypria for the first time draw the line as far as impressions go. In revealing their experiences with Easter, Dana talks about her current nightmares of her negligent bunny childhood and Kypria tries to remember what a Jehovah Witness’s Passover was like. Dana explains what a rolodex is, talks handling poop at work and male prisoner butt swabs in thorough detail to both of their disgust. 

Many revelations are made dealing with current PC talk as well. For example hookers are now called sex workers and rape is renamed as sexual assault. Shot out to the old Spanish abuelas that watched you as a kid, single moms and parents dealing with special need children. Kypria shares her hate for baby talk and is shocked that Dana is having a hard time believing that her dad was a white Latino.

Rafael flags someone on youtube and translate’s the L.A Spanish in this film, in turn reminds Dana and Kypria of their struggle with being non Spanish speaking Latinas. How do you answer:

How do you care for a cast iron skillet?

Road head, have you done it?

3 years into the pandemic, are your a mask on or off at this point?

If your a killer would you let a person live simply based on if they have family?

Ever heard the non curse word bull dank?

Have you ever walked in on your parent doin the deed as a child?

Do you have fake conversations with your pets?

Join this weeks discussion of Steve McQueen's regrettable sci-fi horror film 1958's The Blob. Kypria talks about a monkey and dog that went to outerspace and how black people apparently don't exist in movies back in the day. Dana talks about her grandma's small town reputation concerns and explains why organic is so expensive. They both share their car disaster stories. How do you answer:

Has your grade school training paid off: What do you do in a tornado?

Do animals feel love?

Have you ever snuck out of your parents house at night?

As Kip & Dana wrap up International Women's Month, they cover the ridiculously talented director/screenwriter/ producer/composer/editor/production designer/art director/set decorator AND costume designer ANNA BILLER's award-winning film, The Love Witch. This movie is Dana's technicolor wet dream and she won't shut up about it. Join them as they discuss their 80s childhood beatings, Will Smith's Publicist's apology template, quail egg penises and the ASMR you never asked for, just because.

Roll around on the blue shag carpet of The Love Witch's groovy apartment with Dana & Kip and admire all the "pretties" and have all the eye-gasms while they contemplate:

What constitutes a goblet?

Are you as anti-Y2K style as Kip?

Where can we all find The Love Witch's wardrobe?

Will director Anna Biller ever be Dana's BFF?

Kip & Dana wrap up black history month with the 2019 film Us. Jordan Peele successfully crosses over from the comedy world to horror in this Twilight Zone inspired film. Dana breaks down a long list of Peele’s references while Kypria dives into the musical journey of Us and shares Hollywood’s ranking of the shades of black women. Kypria and Dana reminisce the 80s wave of charity concerts and the Sweet Valley High twins. In unrelated news, Kypria proclaims Tonya Harding’s innocence and is accused of killing a rabbit. Also, she shares her poop in the pool work memory. Apologies to Kip’s disrespectful mispronunciation of Lupita Nyong’o.

What would you do if you met your doppelgänger? How would your survival skills be in a zombie apocalypse? Young people: do you know what Home Alone is? Older folks: what could you buy in a record shop besides records?

In continuation of celebrating black horror, Dana & Kypria are joined by special guest and friend Lakeshia Williams. Lakeisha is an avid Jiu Jitsu practitioner, Cardiothoracic Surgery Physician's Assistant and fellow horror movie lover. Together they experience Bill Gunn’s 1973 low budget blaxploitation vampire horror 'Ganja & Hess' which brought upon feelings of shock and confusion. Kypria and Lakeshia reflect on society's reaction to black people in non stereotypical roles in film and in their personal encounters. Kypria gives a PSA on black mental health awareness. 

Also:

Woke Google no longer uses the word "hoe".

The ridiculous scene that deserved its own credit.

Does the Director like foot play?